Bummer. So i didn't get that one either. somtimes you wonder why you bothered to get up at the crack of dawn to go to an interview for a job you didn't realy want, oh thats right;- the money
Except of coure the job i just went for wold have given me about enough money for a flat share on a park bench, bills extra.

However the oddest thing that struck me was the way the candidates deal with each other. we were all so damned polite! "good luck" we said watching as our rivals went into be interviewed. We chatted politlely with each other. as if we wern't really fighting for the same ill paid job! No we talked to each other as if we had been thrown together on a rather dull coach journey and were prepared to make the most of it.

Why do we do this? So maybe we are rivals but at the same time we're all in the same boat i supose. anyway this is how a cat would do it;-

1. cat gets up late yawns stretches and goes back to bed knowing that its the right cat to get the cream
2. cat finally gets up licks itself and knows that despite the fleas its still the best looking cat and will of course get the job.
3. cat goes to interveiw. sees another canditate on the way and so pays a couple of gutter moggies to savage it. one less competitor for the cream!
4. cat arives for interview. cat is introduced to the other cats and makes friends by offfering round munchies covered in laxative powder.
5. cat watches and grins as the other candidates rush to the loo knowing that it has aready paided of the cleaners to make sure the loo as locked.
6. cat strolls into the interveiw and daclares that it is the best cat and the rest are just a bunch of worthless moggies
7. cat indicates to interviewer (using its large sharp claws) all its cat friends outside the windows (these may be grinning)
8. cat goes how know that it has the job. of course it does its the cat.
9. cat gets phone call. cat is the best and and has of course got the job

Does anyone else see where we are going wrong??!!??

this place is much more fun with toria around

well when nothing realy exciting happens why waste words on blathering on about nothing. anyway enough time has passed now that things have happened. not much granted but hey enough to write about.
ok first things first i'm a basta*d. (i can almost see thoughs of you that know me nodding at this point)
anyway reason? ok an ex of mine got dumped, by email. and you know what i couldn't help but smile. after all she did dump me twice (once by text once by phone). hell serves her right eh? but thats just part of the story. so i read on and you know shes like me (except for the being dumped bit) life sucks, all your friends seem to be settling down getting good jobs, having a life. 
and you know what? damn it i feel sorry for her. after all we were friends,  good friends. but thats the worst bit. i can sit here and be a basta*d or i can sit here and feel sorry for her. but one way or another there is nothing i can do for her. no i'm not "interested" in her. and hell i can live without one old friend. but still it bugs me. all i want to do is, well.... what? a pat on the shoulder? and note saying i know how you feel hang in there kid? but i can't coming from me it realy would be kicking somone when they are down. sucks all i ever wanted was to help my friends to be there comforting or being a blunt basta*d when needed. but no she shut me out. so all i can do is watch from a distance and hope things work out for the poor lass. 
anyway any advice would be nice? 

anyway its not much different closer to home. my girl is struggling a wee bit. and i can't even be there to give hugs, chocolate and milk when required. i know shes going to pull through and that in this respect she don't need me. still i wish i could be there.
same here too. somone is know is possibly loosing there job. not cos of the recession but simply because bits of paper showing u've been to lots of meeting and know the right people outway experience, dedication and bloody hard work. again what can i do? nowt. bugger all just be ther and hope it pans out ok.

and for me? well would you believe it things may be looking up. plans are afoot. i'll end up even poorer and still uneployable but then i'll be wiser or at least happier. it won't be a free lunch. and it means my perfect happy ending my have to wait and be worked on but so long as i'm not the only one prepared to work it'll happen

anyroad i need to sleep tomorrow i start a journey west to hold the countryside for the king again. i have a feeling we may loose... again. still you never know i doubt we'll find truth justice or freedom or an egg prepared how you like but you never know, we might find contentment

shadows and dust

great so now its my fault! its hard to read peoples journal entrys and not take it personally somtimes (and no this is not aimed at any one person before i'm bombarded by the hate mail). why? i dunno one min your ok then next - nothing, just the wide open space of the desert. anyway *shugs* what can i do?

so an update on the world of tristan;

job front-
       yep like everyone else i'm watching the papers the websites and what little word o mouth i get and again i'm getting nowt. oh well keep on trying.

the plan-
     haha the grand plan, the great scheme, well that is looking a bit grim. a week ago i'd have said yes in sept i'm off to uni (again) i'll do a masters and see where that goes. i even knew where i was going to do it! but a week is a long time. now? well now i'm stuck. i still want to do a masters. uni? i dunno. without the insentive its currently a toss up between two, one in somthing completely different and one in somthing scarily, well- me

the price-
     one way or another i'm set to pay. if i go to one uni i risk loosing touch with everyone i know not to mention the significant other. on the other hand if i go to the other place i do somthing that may not be the right degree for me and if "other" things gos wrong means i'd be surrounded by the exs friends doing the modern version of a mob with pitchforks and so forth.

so as one might be able to see i'm getting pretty down. there is a middle path;- i go to do the perfect degree, work hard at maintaining a long distance relationship and hope for the best, while trying to put up with mother being smug. the funny thing is though, it probably won't work and at the end of the day i'd end up even more educated and single. or worse educated and single and having to watch another ex swank around on somone elses arm (oh and by the way hes got a big cannon, typical (and for those panicing we're talking re enactment here)

oh and to cap it all, i'm down to re reading books that i own and don't even like much!
still for every cloud (and like the one heading over for the easter weekend its a big one) there is a sliver lining; as part of the grander more betterer bigger plan (i.e a family of my own, home and stable job - yes i know its sad but hey i guy can dream) i one day wish to aquire a tortoise. dunno why, i just like em and would love to have one scuttling about (ok slowly) the garden or similar. anyway the lining bit. ain't much but i've finally struck on its name, in prep for when it turns up, and its called; Om

ok not exciting nor orgional but heh i'm reading small gods and it just somhow seems right. no worrys mind, i'm not going to start worshiping it! and on the plus side it won't matter if its a girl or boy

anyway i've probably written enough

Wryd bith ful Araed

yep thats right the grand plan, find work, move into my own pit, start trying to develop one of these "life" things that people set so much store by. hmmmmm yeah on small problem, no one wants to employ anyone let alone me. so...

update on me; i'm free, for the moment. i know far more about the nun of watton than any reasonable person should expect. otherwise i'm quite happy feeling a little out of place but otherwise good. at this point i'd like to rant but unlike normal i can't think of anything to moan about realy. those people i'm see almost daily are lovely and kind. even those whom are not so nice seem to be acting fairly civil. tis good. never fear, i'll be going back to the lost lands soon so people can look forward to me moaning again

Wryd bith ful Araed

"I'M BACK AND I'M ANGRY"- sorry been reading Mort. anyway yes i am back and no not angry just lonely so i figure i can sit in the silence here and wait gfor the sky to fall on my head. Or i can coem backl on to this speak my bit and then wait for the abuse and ranting to start,. to be honest somone shouting at me would be a swell... somthing.

so status update, still a bum as it were still stuck in my own company, still can't spell. i know complaining now is a bit daft i have the pleasure of a long boring drive at some stoopid hour of the morning on sat to look forward to which should be worth it. untill then well, the silence stretches out...... forever


so untill the complaints pour in

Wryd bith ful Araed

time to do a friends trick i'm disapearing for a time its not like you'll miss me

Should i? I'm going to anyway but i still wonder. Anyway its been 9/10 days since the world ended. well ok a little over dramatic i grant you but people seem to prize such arts and thus i shall try to acomdate them. anyway, 9-10 days of sleepless nights, headaches oh and drink. i havn't drunk properly for over a year now, these last few nights i've past out. well thats stopping drinking never solved anything (somthing i've tested to distruction). if nothing more the rum is gone (why is the rum always gone?) and the harsh light of a clear head is back. not so good.

Anyroad i'm not wishing anyone a happy new year. thing is as it stands i see nowt to be cheerfull about. work is about as common as a heat wave in the artic. so job prospects look rubbish. i'm still living at home which means a social life is something that happens to other people. prospects and a future? nope can't see any of them. it would be a lie to say i've had none. only a week or so ago a chance at life seemed possible, no more.

so a review of 2008. well it started bad. realy bad. funny though i had a job, other matters had fallen around me. 2008 gave me a chance to mend those tears and fix things up which was good. in a nut shell though theses were the high points;-

- Thurrock. three weeks of hard graft in the shadow of the QE2 bridge. the work was tough and bitter and time (as always in archaeology) was not on our side. however those three weeks i got to work with the best crew of diggers ever.  though i since leaving my job i've spoken (rarely) to only one of the people i worked with i shall never foget the "fun" we had.

- Steeple Ashton. a tiny place but one of my top five musters with the sealed knot ever. it rained solidly for the time we were there. btu hell when did that ever matter? most of all the best part was an evening raid on the villagers banquet. never before have i seen a comunity where all bar a few turned up for a village event. great fun and a great party (so what that i abandoned the rest of the Sealed Knot for the evening!). this evening was also the strangest of the year. not be be cliche but my eyes did meet those of a village girl across a crowded room (tent!). I never spoke to her, never even found out her name, but there was somthing wryd and majic. i'd probably be disapointed if i met her so shall leave that evening as a warm memory.

- Fernhurst. Another muster and another great evening spent with members of Gosports 17th century village group. they welcomed me as a stranger into there group and we spent a wonderfull evening under the stars talking and drinking tea.

- the first week of my last job. a simple pleasure, a small group of us meeting for the first time. i so many friends on that site but the first week with just the 6 or so of us remains one of the best.

- a party on that job. a simple thing realy. i was the only time the team got together as one. after that nothing seemed to go right but for one night we were happy myself included.

- wales. in all these were my happyst days. from the moment i arived i felt welcomed and comfortable. it filled a space in my that had remained blank since i left my beloved university. where else can you find people so like you its scary. rare is it for me to find somwhere i could call home and yet this was one of them.

Finally i'll always remember an evening coming home, with friends from a party. strange for me but we were like middle worlds elves, singing and laughing all the way.

Anyroad i'll not deny the year finished in a crash and burn style. everything seemed to go wrong at once. somtimes i wonder if the gods have read the same books as me. i'm the fleeing wizzard whom knows that whenever everyhting seems to be going right somthing bad will happen. clearly the three spinners are enjoying the joke. i wish i could write more but i fear i have already caused enough hurt in the words of my mother "you f**ked up... again"

still 2009 looks to be dull days and days of nothing to do. i expect most people are doing stuff this weekend (belated new year partys and such like) yet for me i see two more days of not bothering to get out of bed in the morning simple because there is nothing to do.

i know this all sounds self pitying and rather pathetic but then i'm speaking of the truth of what is and to be honest it doesn't look good.

alas we are but shadows and dust.

"from ye cities grond take thy traveles suth
past townes and villages alike you should go till land runs oute
from there go to the ham by the shore
that is before the hams of worth and gore
and i shall await thee
from there i shall take thee to the ham of beeds people
what was sele in years past
and from there thy shall show thee the wonders of my land
for none knowe the brooks and rivers better than me
nore the woods and hill castles of old
there we shall dance the blade steps and be content
let not tomorrow bother thee"

Steps to the depths of suth saxa

Well i'm back... again

The last week has been somwhat magical. i've been back to wales and met even more lovely people. i think for that reason alone i'd move there if i can. anyway weds night i got to go to a posh dinner. been such a time since i've done anything like that, was great fun. especially walking home through the countryside a beautiful girl on my arm (not to mention the others following oh and rob) singing. lovely stuff.

after that a trip through the brecon beacons; stunning if only we hadn't had a job to do, i'd have loved to stop and walk. still next tie maybe i will. finally a party in london. now i'll freely admit i don't like london, too many people, to much noise and everything. however again i've met loads of great people and got bruized nicely at a fight club. best of all presents for me! and what presents. one is playing in the background the t'other is tucked away nice a safe. i'll be honests that i've never cried cos of somthing i've been given, before anyway.

now i'm back in suth saxa awaiting the arival of the cousins form across the pond. should be good i hope. otherwise well all is normal. i'm worried about things, not sleeping and worrying some more. who knows what is going to happen in the future? i don't i wsh i did.


"that was nice, what was it?"

hang on a min.....

........ there set, u tube plugged in and kates happily singing me into calm.

right what to do? hmmm i dunno, him upstairs seems reluctant to give me any hints. basically same as before. work as an archaeologist has dried up (i.e making the sahara look wet and fertile). other jobs arn't very forth coming, lets face it degree or no theres little one can else that one can do if ones entire training has led to either field archaeology or service in the royalist army. and i can't help but notice that that war seems to be over (typical). so i'm looking at masters courses. the thing is i'm well aware that a masters as worth less than the paper its printed on these days (i've a friend who is a dr. who was one step up the pay scale from me ok?) 

anyways the resaons for doing one are as follows; it'd be fun, i kinda of miss study and the student life, i'm bored out of my tiny skull here at home with nowt to do, oh and finally the new campaign season doesn't start till well into the spring. 

firstly i'm cursed. i know it cos i put it on myself. basically there is a curse associated with my old towns buttercross. it claims that those that sit on said buttercross shall forever be compelled to return to the town. i sat there on purpose, a daft show of my love for a town that became my home and life. each day i miss it. and each day i can't come up with a good enough reason to return. my old uni's MA (as noted below) is a cobbling together of my 3rd year with extras. somwhat pointless for me to do.

soo where to go. well we all know what my answer will be. greater still i've even found and half decent course where i want to go. problem is it would be far to easy to rush into things try and start in the spring and then watch as everything goes sunny side up. it scares me that thought. i don't even know which of the reasons is the real one for going there. it would be on a gamble. a risk that if i'm honest has little to do with the course. i could loose everything i've been shown, friends, everything. all because of things i can't do a thing about. in some ways the only thing to do is be sensible. walk away forget it all and keep looking. hah when have i ever been sensible?. i dunno what to do still one way or another somthing will happen and things will work out. but untill then i'll see the game till the finish. i don't care for the winning or loosing. thats all to far ahead for now. and for now i'm happy enough

i trust to the three spinners once again. please show me the way.

untill then at least i have things to do. xmas is coming and that means sorting stuff out. and of course i've a fancy doo to look forward to which will mean quite a bit of preps first. some may get away with swan necks. personally i have to find some bleach to turn my stock white again!

good night all.

Wryd bith ful Araed

yay the head has stopped swiming! not i admit that i'm thinking entirly straight, but then i never have so nowt new there. anyways back to the routine of being home. well the routine and having to look after the puppy. yep the people that tell me i'm always putting up barriers should remember i had to learn it somwhere. so finally we have a small dear one around the house again which is nice.  the place looks more lived in with half chewed toys and stuff on the floor.

so the routine. firstly figure out how i'm going to waste the next few hours untill i can sleep again..... ok so i'll think about that latter. so for now i've been online hunting down MAs. i'm going on the basis that if i can't find a job and make money i may as well do somthing and spend it. in the end i'm not going to be any better or worse off but it would be fun to have somthing for the brain to think about again.

anyways i supose for the sake of those that will moan that i'm thinking about it for the "wrong reasons" sake i should try looking at more than one uni. anyroad i'll rant again latter.

"  's my damn life "

(sorry couldn't resist borrowing that one.... it rings true here as well.....)

i've wondered for the past few days, what i would write here. now i realy don't know. i gor back from the "road trip" tonight. ok so maybe road trip is a little bit of a lie as basically though much road travel was involved i hardly went anywhere. firstly i went to hampshire and my grandmothers. so far so good. then i went on to wales (speciffically lampeter). well that was pretty much where it ended. i was suposed to come home last week. oh well never mind. the thing is i kind of fell for the place. ok so i fell for it after being there all of ten mins and being given tea and the proise of a roast dinner to follow by people whom were total strangers. how can i express my thanks to them all? i felt so at home and so alive. for the first time raly since i left uni i felt happy and content in a place i could stay with as lovelier group of people as you could possible want to meet.

as to the live life well that remains as far as i'm aware unchanged. still single still wishing. this evening i was told i was being taken for a ride. i don't think so somehow. all i know is that was quite enough to crush the little spark of life that had been lit inside me. yes in some ways things hurt a lot the past week. but only because the rest of the time was so dammed great. i dunno. all i know is the facts. one. i'm a royalist, i'll fight for what i love till the end. two. tis going to be a hard slog. three. remember the royalist won in the end. 

my heads swimming. i'm tired and i know i have to wait at least a week till tues when i'm off up to wales again. some may say that i'm being stupid. some may decide they "know" i'm being stupid. i realy coudln't give a flying fu*k what they say. all i know is that i've caught it again. 

i'm sorry but i'm in love and nowt will change that. 


fate will be fate

"you are my dear, my Annie" 

Well now i've decided somthing. somthing for me and me alone. somthing i've always wanted to do. have you ever had the urge to just turn round and disapear. go some place new some place old, wherever? anyway obviously i'm not about to run off to somalia and pursue a career in piratcy (even though 2 mill $ a hostage as the going rate is quite a good return). apart from anything else the propect of tackling the moterway is scary enough so what i think are called "foren parrrts" is a bit much. anyway tommorrow at a time mainly decided by when i wake up i'm off i. no emails lj fcbk or anything for a few days exciting eh?! anyways anyone the does need to get in touch has my mob no. or ready. so where to go? well the first leg is sorted, i haven't visited my grandmother in months and believe me upsetting her is a realy realy bad idea. anyway that will be a nice little trip west and hopefully i'm wangle bed and some food. so after that, who knows i have an idea or two, ranging from lands end to john o groats i think the only limit is that i can't aford an enddless supply of petrol and that i would like tobe home by friday. why friday? well its a date to aim for. i'm kinda gambling on this job (see below posts) and thus am prepared if i have to, and it would be nice, to have to get home quick.

anyroad (literaly) tis a shame in a way there are one or two threads that i'm following around the place that i shall no doubt miss out on but then if i'm miles from humans in some gods forsaken part of the country then who cares. still i have to sort other bits and bobs out

sorry to spoil the post but i've just found a perfect end quote from "lost in a moment" a cd of as many depressing songs quotes and such like as any fool could want.

"she could have, when he asked is there was somone else
she could have said there's no one else,
and you never would have known"

why oh why oh why? eh? just why?

why don't i listen to the squeaking one?; i'm told there is a dating ladder. i'm told that i try to reach to far up the ladder from the rung i'm on. tis true they're all "to good" for me. why? (ok not fair when it comes to me i'm not sure i've made it to the bottom rung of said ladder yet)

why have i spent most of this eve online (on msn) waiting? cos i'm sad i think.

why the devil have i managed to apply for a job that means i have a week of torture waiting to find out if i got it or not?

oh and why is it so bloody cold, i didn't order it i know that!

grrrr frustration gets the better of me somtimes and i've got to wait till the new year before i get to march for my king again

Wryd bith ful Araed

Well thats the interview done. to be honest i don't know how it went, i could have been great i could have been crap, theres no real way of telling. now its just praying and hoping. still i have other things to distract me untill i know the result (somtime late next week ). and if not distract me then at least make me smile choke.

otherwise the main worry at the moment is the dreaded xmas, only a few weeks. should keep me busy as i intend to make things for some people. mostly cos i'm better at making stuff than shopping realy.

now the only problem is to try and get the brain to shut down so i can sleep at night. ok so some of what i'm thinking about is good stuff, very good in some cases.

plans? well a few the obvious one stated above but also i think a bit of driving practice is in order. who knows where i may end up? we me. plan could take me far, the joy of the car being that i can. the only problkem being i may need to dig the passport and language books out unless any of you out there speak sheep?

"On ceolþele, and nu cunnan sceal

Hu þu ymb modlufan mines frean

On hyge hycge. Ic gehatan dear

Þæt þu þæt tirfæste treowe findest"

Well here we are a bit of a catch up in order i think. So quite a lot has happened in the last few weeks. At the same time very little has actually happened. I spend days at a time doing nowt. i get up late and then go to bed at dawn. I've read far too much and eaten what feels like far to little. Anyway going back to whats happened, i've finally passed a driving test (yay) which means that should i have some reason to leave the house i have to means to do so. funny they always talk about the "freedom" of being able to drive, that asumes of course that you have somthing to go and see or do!
anyroad, i've also got an interview friday, looking forward to it realy and if i get the job i may even say what it is! Finally of course as my last post hinted at (just a little of course...) my relationship came to an end, bit of a shock realy, i never saw it coming. anyway the first thing an archaeologist will tell you is that you can't change the past (just interpret it). In some ways i'm glad i've had word that my girl (as was) is happier now. good. at least theres that. funny realy i've had five "relationships" and as far as i'm aware all have ended and left the young lady happier. kinda sucks realy. on the other hand i'm genuinely happy for them. better they be happy than not.
but then history fiction and such like teach us the catalyst shall never find contenment for themselves untill there work is done as it were. clearly the three spinners have a plan for me. i'd just like for it to include a young lady, a home and maybe even sombody i can spar with, hell you never know stranger things have happened!
Still life ain't all bad, i get a chance to work on my current model (an armed pinnace from around 1800) which is a good excuse for research into new bits of history. i write a lot of letters send about half of them, and get a reply to about a quarter of those.

Anyroad, i'm off to bury myself in my book for a few hours, i should try and sleep but then whats the point, its not like i have a reason to get out of bed most days. again and again i'll hammer it in; fate is fate. i just wish i could see where mine is going....


PS no i'm not drunk maybe thats the problem! wheres the rum gone?

I'm sorry i've always used blogs and the like as a place to rant moan and try to express some form of the way i'm feeling. right now that can be summed up as "sh*t" i'm not planning to go into detail, it wouldn't be fair. i'm also limiting myself to this one post, i kinda figure that thats fair and right to. Anyroad a simple sum up.... well words leave me however as luck would have it somone else wrote the words for me all i had to do was listen;

"I can speak about the pain you know
What you say you didn't see
I can show you al my scars, you know
The ones i keep inside of me
Would that make it easier
Or would it be the same

I'm sorry that i could not be
As perfect as you wanted me
Just wondering, whats going on in your mind
I sure hope your fine,
I hope your conscience is clear
I hope your happy"

(Hope your happy)

there my post over,

Wryd bith ful Araed (Fate is Enexorable)

well not a lot realy... in a word Sharpe. yes i know some people think its slightly (or more than slightly) cheesy round the edges and even i have to admit that hes looking a little old (not to mention old harper). but you know what i don't realy care! sharpe is fantastic and has a no nonsense way of dealing with the world that we should all adopt. 

anyways other news. well today i got to see my girly which was great the only down side being that she likes visiting junk shops as much as me! opps. put it this way next time i go on campaign with the regiment (some time in the spring i think) and providing transport is sorted i should be bringing along a campaign chest with me acoutremonts in which will be nice. 

otherwise news is the same as normal no real job prospects but i have a roof over me head some food and me girly.  

wryd bith ful Araed

Opps ok for any poor soul out there that actually reads this i'm sorry that i havn't moaned about anything for a while. i could suggest lots of excuses but then most of them would be just that. truth is i realy just couldn't be bothered to sit here and try to put my thoughts in order.

anyway as one might imagine quite a lot has happened in the last couple of weeks or so. starting with my contract ending which was kinda shit realy. once again i spent a good couple of days feeling utterly rubbish. not so much cos i love digging in the pouring rain but because once again i had to say goodbye to loads of poeple that one can't help but feel close to. it was once put to me that archaeology and acting are very similar in that respect, you spend weeks, months, whatever, building up this quite intense relationship with a small group of people and then bang, off you go to the four winds. some i'll see again i hope. fewer still i plan to make an enfort to visit. but at least half of the gang i'll never hear of again cept for the odd note on somthing like facebook.

so i'm out of work. i'm also offically a year older which translates as one year closer to the afterlife. still not everything is going tits up. i've had a chance to catch up with one of the few people that actually reads this rubbish and have a good bitching session over some food and some rather poor quality ginger beer. i've also gotten to spend lots of time with my better half. not as much time as i would like but i'm working on that one. what else? ermm well i've spent the rest of my free time gathering "natures bounty" and preserving ti for the winter. or if the weather has been foul i've been working on the latest modeling project; an early 1800s royal navy gunboat. quite entertaining though i admit that thus far i havn't even managed to finish the planking.

oooh also been reenacting for waht i fear may be the last time this year. over to cowdray we went and to my suprise i managed to get ellie (my matchlock) to go bang even though most of my powder got soaked. we also got to see some plate armour guys beat the hell out of each other though i must admitt that that comentator may have layid it on to heavy by calling " come and watch knights teach you how to kill people". even in re enactment this is not the right atitiude to have. anyways i must admit that its made me miss blew (my own tower hanger blade) i'm looking forward to getting her back for next season.

anyway i'm off probably to try and atach more planking

Wryd bith ful Araed

what else can i say, no job no money (realy realy no money) and no prospects. ah well at least i ain't got burd flu.... cough.... yet