Should i? I'm going to anyway but i still wonder. Anyway its been 9/10 days since the world ended. well ok a little over dramatic i grant you but people seem to prize such arts and thus i shall try to acomdate them. anyway, 9-10 days of sleepless nights, headaches oh and drink. i havn't drunk properly for over a year now, these last few nights i've past out. well thats stopping drinking never solved anything (somthing i've tested to distruction). if nothing more the rum is gone (why is the rum always gone?) and the harsh light of a clear head is back. not so good.

Anyroad i'm not wishing anyone a happy new year. thing is as it stands i see nowt to be cheerfull about. work is about as common as a heat wave in the artic. so job prospects look rubbish. i'm still living at home which means a social life is something that happens to other people. prospects and a future? nope can't see any of them. it would be a lie to say i've had none. only a week or so ago a chance at life seemed possible, no more.

so a review of 2008. well it started bad. realy bad. funny though i had a job, other matters had fallen around me. 2008 gave me a chance to mend those tears and fix things up which was good. in a nut shell though theses were the high points;-

- Thurrock. three weeks of hard graft in the shadow of the QE2 bridge. the work was tough and bitter and time (as always in archaeology) was not on our side. however those three weeks i got to work with the best crew of diggers ever.  though i since leaving my job i've spoken (rarely) to only one of the people i worked with i shall never foget the "fun" we had.

- Steeple Ashton. a tiny place but one of my top five musters with the sealed knot ever. it rained solidly for the time we were there. btu hell when did that ever matter? most of all the best part was an evening raid on the villagers banquet. never before have i seen a comunity where all bar a few turned up for a village event. great fun and a great party (so what that i abandoned the rest of the Sealed Knot for the evening!). this evening was also the strangest of the year. not be be cliche but my eyes did meet those of a village girl across a crowded room (tent!). I never spoke to her, never even found out her name, but there was somthing wryd and majic. i'd probably be disapointed if i met her so shall leave that evening as a warm memory.

- Fernhurst. Another muster and another great evening spent with members of Gosports 17th century village group. they welcomed me as a stranger into there group and we spent a wonderfull evening under the stars talking and drinking tea.

- the first week of my last job. a simple pleasure, a small group of us meeting for the first time. i so many friends on that site but the first week with just the 6 or so of us remains one of the best.

- a party on that job. a simple thing realy. i was the only time the team got together as one. after that nothing seemed to go right but for one night we were happy myself included.

- wales. in all these were my happyst days. from the moment i arived i felt welcomed and comfortable. it filled a space in my that had remained blank since i left my beloved university. where else can you find people so like you its scary. rare is it for me to find somwhere i could call home and yet this was one of them.

Finally i'll always remember an evening coming home, with friends from a party. strange for me but we were like middle worlds elves, singing and laughing all the way.

Anyroad i'll not deny the year finished in a crash and burn style. everything seemed to go wrong at once. somtimes i wonder if the gods have read the same books as me. i'm the fleeing wizzard whom knows that whenever everyhting seems to be going right somthing bad will happen. clearly the three spinners are enjoying the joke. i wish i could write more but i fear i have already caused enough hurt in the words of my mother "you f**ked up... again"

still 2009 looks to be dull days and days of nothing to do. i expect most people are doing stuff this weekend (belated new year partys and such like) yet for me i see two more days of not bothering to get out of bed in the morning simple because there is nothing to do.

i know this all sounds self pitying and rather pathetic but then i'm speaking of the truth of what is and to be honest it doesn't look good.

alas we are but shadows and dust.

"from ye cities grond take thy traveles suth
past townes and villages alike you should go till land runs oute
from there go to the ham by the shore
that is before the hams of worth and gore
and i shall await thee
from there i shall take thee to the ham of beeds people
what was sele in years past
and from there thy shall show thee the wonders of my land
for none knowe the brooks and rivers better than me
nore the woods and hill castles of old
there we shall dance the blade steps and be content
let not tomorrow bother thee"

Steps to the depths of suth saxa